50 Shades of Grey - Final Verdict

These Shades of Grey are more exciting than The Book ever will be. 

 “I gasp, and I’m Eve in the Garden of Eden, and he is the serpent, and I cannot resist.”

If I were to quote every sorry excuse for an analogy from this book, I’d probably be left with only 2 pages worth of a book, both pages containing vivid details of sadistic love making. I read  the first 250 pages in misery and the rest in pure agony, there is only so much bad writing I can take and with this book my quota of bad writing is full.This book was a total downer for me. This is a short and to the point book review and  I’ve broken it up into categories for you. Take what I say with a pinch of salt for my style and preference in, and for a book may be totally different from yours. However, give the review a read and see what I have to say!

Here goes:

1.     Writing Style And Story Pace

The writing style is one I never comment on, for everyone’s style is unique. Just so that you know this authors style is informal and to the point.

One thing the books that was bang on was pacing. The story was evenly paced and kept abreast throughout the cruel 300 something pages of wasted paper.

2.     The Plot

Wait. Plot? What is that? Is it a new kind of food? In short, there is no plot. The characters shallow, the places boring, and the sex unappealing (who knew that was possible, right?). The sex comes off as exciting to begin with, as it presented in segments, but in retrospect the sex is nothing unheard of, or unusual. There are no twists nor turns and unfortunately (but expectantly) the book is super predictable and boring.The male and female protagonists alternate between half hearted conflicts and 'rough' contract based sex. 

3.     Characters

The characters are straight up shallow. There is no depth of character. There is a hint at a moral conflict within the protagonist, but that conflict is never explored making the reader feel disconnected from the character and her thoughts. Actually none of the characters have any kind of connection with the reader. I can say this without a doubt that Winnie the Pooh had more depth in him.

 There are no dilemmas, frustrations, conflicts, nothing. They lack an identity except that she’s a 21 year old virgin, and he’s a 26(?) year old billionaire. There has been no ‘showing’(except for the raunchy sex scenes) of the personalities in the book, it’s only barking at you.

      4.     Story Line

Rich billionaire brat with issues, falls for a middle class college going 21 year old virgin with lesser issues. At first it's for sex and then he falls for her innocence.  Her conscious calls her a ‘ho’ (that is her deepest level of conflict) every so often and every time it does, she goes and sleeps with her billionaire boyfriend/master again. That is pretty much it. 

Of course, this sounds rather brutal, and some of you may disagree. I, however, have endured enough of the book and have plenty ammunition to combat your best defenses.

This is coming from someone who values plot, character, and story line very heavily. If you couldn’t care a rat’s hoof about any of that, you might like the book! Who knows? I know 100 million people did.

My final verdict: 50 Shades of Grey gets a 1 out of 5 in my books. (See what I did there?)